Who wears a wallet chain?!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
