you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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