One girl and one boy is just not enough.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
