i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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