The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
