i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
