also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
