Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
