I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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