why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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