Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
