I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
