there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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