I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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