I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
