Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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