That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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