Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
