Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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