I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
