Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
