So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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