If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
