Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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