I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
