I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
