well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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