I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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