she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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