his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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