just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
