hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
