Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
