Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
