Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
