I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
