Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
