yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
