i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
