I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
