U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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