I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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