im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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