Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
