Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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