Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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