you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
