So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
