I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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