you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
