I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
