Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
