So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
