people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
