Ambien. No doubt about it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
