he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
