Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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