remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
