Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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