hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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