Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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