That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
