I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
