i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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