Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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