how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
