sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
