two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
