Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
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Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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