8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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