is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
