there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
