How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
