I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
