i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
