and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
