Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize