if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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