the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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