i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
