Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she woke up with a sticky ear
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
