5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want to make out with him forever
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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